Align with your Values in 2022
Instead of setting New Year resolutions that are almost guaranteed to fail, why not focus on living your values! Every day we are living and expressing our values and beliefs, mostly unconsciously. Most people want to have a sense of who they are and what they stand for. Values are therefore a key part of our identity. When we are living and behaving in alignment with our values we are more likely to be moving forwards with a sense of purpose and fulfilment. Life will feel intrinsically rewarding and we can experience a greater sense of happiness. We are less likely to indulge in unhealthy, self-sabotaging behaviours when we are living in alignment with our values.
Know your Values
But, what happens if we don’t know what our values are? Or, if we make decisions and take actions that are out of alignment with our values? Firstly, if we don’t know what our values are and what we stand for then it might be a good idea to do some work on this. Looking at the various areas of our life to understand what is important to us is time well spent. Areas such as relationships, health, career, family, recreation and spiritual life are some of the key ones to focus on. Understanding our values gives us greater self-awareness and the opportunity to create the kind of life that fits in with them. Not knowing our own values means that we are more likely to be living according to someone else’s values or allowing ourselves to be buffeted around, without direction.
If you know, for example, that creativity is one of the top values that you desire in your work, but your job doesn’t provide any opportunity to be creative in a meaningful way, then what will be the effect on you? When it comes to relationships, you know that spending quality time with your loved one is one of the most important things to you. However, if you hardly ever see them or they never want to do anything special together, how is that going to feel to you? When your life experiences are out of alignment with your values then you are more likely to experience frustration, unhappiness and stress. You may also experience a sense of feeling incomplete!
Unconscious Beliefs
Many people have a sense of what they want and what is of value to them but their underlying or unconscious beliefs may be interfering with their ability to live in alignment with their true values. The ‘pleasure principle’ dictates that we move towards what we want and away from what we don’t want. Therefore our beliefs are driving us towards some behaviours and away from others. When a negative belief is driving us then we are constantly trying to avoid something that feels uncomfortable or painful.
Internal Resistance
Maybe we really do want to make some changes but are coming up against our own internal resistance all the time. To achieve some equilibrium in mind and body then the conscious and the unconscious need to be congruent. The problem is they don’t always have the same goals. Although the unconscious has its own wisdom, it is also a powerful protective device designed to protect us from danger. Unfortunately, faulty ‘programming’ may at some point have led a person to unhealthy behaviours and thought patterns.
Despite our best intentions, when change appears to be too threatening, the unconscious will fight to retain the status quo. We have become too comfortable and ‘safe’ in the problem pattern. I’m sure we have all experienced the mind’s ability to come up with all kinds of conscious justifications for avoiding change and hanging on to a problem.
Dr Leonard Orr describes the mind as having two parts – a thinker and a prover. In other words what the thinker thinks the prover proves. Your unconscious will always try to create the circumstances of your life in accordance with your beliefs. In a work situation it could mean that you constantly avoid applying for promotion because you believe you are not good enough or, that you wouldn’t get the job anyway. You may be making an unconscious calculation that it’s better to stay ‘safe’ in what you know than risk the pain of failure and rejection whilst reconfirming the belief of not being good enough. Similarly, in a relationship, if you believe that you are always going to be disappointed then guess what? The prover will always find the evidence to back-up its thoughts and beliefs.
Conversely, imagine the difference it might make to you when you have a positive belief about yourself or the world. What might you notice around you that reinforces that belief? Your powerful unconscious has a habit of noticing more of what you focus on.
Develop your Resources
Cognitive Hypnotherapy can work with your thoughts, beliefs and values and help you develop the resources you need to change belief systems that can affect your values and identity in a positive way. Part of my role as a hypnotherapist is to help you uncover and separate the psychological connection with unhealthy behaviours and negative beliefs and thought patterns so that your conscious and unconscious goals are congruent and working for you not against you.
If there is something you would like help with in the New Year then why not give me a call on 07703 211449 or email adele@adelerichmond.com to discuss how we could work together. I offer a free 30 minute, no obligation consultation to explore what changes you would like to make in 2022. You can also book a consultation on my booking page here.
Best wishes for a happy New Year 2022.